Big Ten Defies Logic Even Further

There are three things I studied in college: Chemistry, Economics and why the Midwest can't count. After further review and research I have determined that the Big Ten's proposal to move to twelve teams makes perfect sense in all three fields.

In chemistry there is the octet rule. It states that eight valence electrons is the perfect number to keep a molecule stable and happy. For football conferences the rule is slightly different because the magic number is 12, but the general idea of the number creating stability holds true.

Twelve teams also had great economic benefits because it allows the conference to be divided up nicely into two sub-conferences of six teams. The sub-conferences themselves lead to a money making opportunity in the form of the Conference Championship game.


Twelve is also a good number for scheduling reasons. Five conference games against your sub-division and three against the other leaves four games to beat up the MAC. In this way your teams with 2-5 and 3-4 conference records can continue to be bowl eligible, pulling in more money for the conference to offset those 1-6 bowl records.

And as far as Midwesterners not being able to count, since twelve doesn't equal ten the rule still stands.

Now, all we have to do is find the perfect fit!

Let's start by examining all the teams that the Big-Ten might have the slightest interest in: which will include traditional powers located close to the region, non-BCS powerhouse programs on the rise, and teams in a state where the Big Ten currently has a team. Once this list is compiled each team will be subject to a demanding set of criteria in order to prove it is the right candidate.

Our initial List looks like this:
Notre Dame
Syracuse
Cincinnati
Pittsburgh
Rutgers
Connecticut
Boston College
Maryland
West Virginia
Louisville
Houston
Ohio
Temple
Bowling Green
Kent State
Buffalo
Akron
Miami (OH)
Central Michigan
Northern Illinois
Western Michigan
Toledo
Ball State
Eastern Michigan
Iowa State
Texas Christian University
Boise State



The first rule will take into account prestige, this is the Big Ten we are talking about, and if you don't have a program that used to be good you can forget about being welcomed into the big boy club. So lets go ahead and cut most of the MAC teams.

The second rule states that the prestige of your name must be based on what your school did, not a school from another state with a similar name. There goes Miami of Ohio.

The third rule states that you cannot steal a team from a conference that already has twelve teams. Iowa State, Maryland, Houston and Boston College are gone.

The fourth rule states the Big Ten must be the lead innovator in college football, as showcased by their offensive creativity and team speed on defense. Therefore stealing a team from the Big East would be passe since the ACC has already done so.

That leaves only TCU, Boise State and Notre Dame.

The fifth rule states that the team must have played after the 2009 season in at least two BCS bowl games. TCU bows out.

It's down to Notre Dame and Boise State.

The sixth and final rule states that the team must be able to win a BCS game and stop the o for 6 slide the Big Ten is in.

Ladies and Gentleman, meet the newest face of the Big Ten: Boise State!

Congratulations Broncos, you now have one year to design 11 trophies to play for against your new rivals. Please don't pain them blue.