Breaking News from Salt Lake City!

Two unofficial sources are now claiming that fifty eight Brigham Young University players have tested positive for viagra, which is now listed as a performance enhancing drug.

According to a 2006 study published in the Journal of Applied Physiology Viagra, sildenafil citrate, can enhance cardiovascular workouts when in a high altitude setting. This is because Viagra can increase oxygen transport to the blood when working out high above sea level, where oxygen levels in the air are lower.

The list of players included sophomore kicker Tristan Maldanado, the only one to respond to questions from thinkingoutsidetheranking interviewers. When asked about the incident Maldanado said that players often talked about Viagra, but none of them "knew anything about its performance enhancing ability on the football field."

In an unidentified Facebook post one player responded to the allegations by stating reasons the football team had to take Viagra that didn't involve football.

"There is alot of pressure to perform your best for the ladies. Some of us look forward to having three or four wifes down the road, and keeping sexually fit is a must if the maximum number of multiple wives is to be achieved."

Another unconfirmed reason for taking Viagra circulating the press is that the male population of BYU, not just the football players, need Viagra in order to make love to a female student body that isn't exactly attractive. According to a nation-wide poll of college students on Studentsreview.com BYU has the second least attractive girls in the nation, falling behind only Capella University.

The performance enhancing abilities help to explain why BYU, a team full of slow white guys can compete at such a high level during conference play in the mountainous region of the states but continues to lose bowl games when they travel away from the high altitude stadiums.

How the NCAA will respond to the violations is not yet known. It has been suggested by sources that the NCAA could limit the team to 15 scholarships for three years and two wives for the same time period.