The State of Iowa

Iowa is a riddle wrapped in an enigma grown in a corn husk. Everything about the funny looking little state in 2008 gave birth to ambiguous positions. Last year I focused in on Iowa and most likely found it to be more intriguing than anyone else in recorded history, and I learned some things. Did you know that Iowa is the only state that the Big XII and Big Ten share? And the sharing mostly goes to the Big Ten lately with Iowa States fall to the basement in the post Seneca Wallace era. Iowa also is currently experiencing a farming boon due to the government mandated production of ethanol. Also, Iowa alum seem to love to move to Texas, and then change our flag to from Red, White and Blue to Black, White and Gold and put this mutant flag on everything from bumper stickers to sweaters in order to announce their presence. Furthermore, on this banner the famous Lone Star has been replaced with the Hawkeye symbol, and the words "The Hawkeyes of Texas are Upon You" hovering above the new, distorted flag. Clever. Clever in a way that makes me want to run my shopping cart into an old mans heels. Iowa is also known for painting the opposing teams locker rooms pink, because the color is supposed to have a calming effect. One time I ate at a Des Moines Denny's on my way up to Minnesota during college. That's really about all I know about Iowa, but those five things put me well ahead of the nationwide curve.

Back to college football. To begin with, Iowa saved my football season by not allowing Penn State to carry an undefeated record into the National Championship game. This years game, though unfulfilling in the face of demands for playoffs, was well-played and exciting, and for once actually competitive. Another year of the Big Ten getting spanked would have probably killed me... if I didn't live for the big ten getting spanked. But alas! Iowa allowed me to have my cake, and eat it too when the Big Ten still went 0-2 in BCS games for the third straight year, and didn't throw snake eyes in the title game. For all you have done for me Iowa I am truly grateful. But you also ruined the perfect Big Ten bowl season by winning your bowl. Ohio State, Penn State, Northwestern, Michigan State, Minnesota and Wisconsin all followed my plan perfectly; but you had to win. A 1-5 Big Ten bowl season makes me happy, a 0-6 would have been pure bliss. But maybe I am wrong to blame you, South Carolina did roll over and die for you the way the Big Ten rolls over for the ACC in the basketball challenge. Which brings me to my next point. South Carolina is a riddle wrapped in an enigma covered with a Confederate flag...